Thriving in the Office When You’re Anxious Around People
If you’ve ever sat in a meeting, heart racing and palms sweating, hoping no one notices how freaked out you feel inside, I see you. Social anxiety isn’t just about getting nervous before a big presentation or dreading small talk during happy hour. For many of us, it’s a constant mental hurdle, especially at work, where being “on” is practically written into the job description.
I get it because I’ve been there too. The thought of pitching an idea used to send me into a spiral of “What if they think I’m clueless?” But over the years, I’ve learned that 1) I’m not alone in these feelings, and 2) there are ways to make the workday feel a lot less overwhelming. If you’re navigating the professional world with social anxiety, here’s how to manage it, build confidence, and maybe even find a little joy in those dreaded team-building exercises.
Understanding Social Anxiety at Work
As revealed by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), approximately 15 million adults in the U.S. are diagnosed with social anxiety disorder every year. Most start experiencing symptoms around age 13, and here’s the kicker—36% of them wait a decade or more before seeking help.
If that stat hits close to home, know this: you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to take steps toward managing it. Let’s dive into what social anxiety at work looks like and how to tackle it head-on.
1. The Silent Struggle
Social anxiety at work can be sneaky. Maybe you’re sweating over a group lunch, feeling the weight of everyone’s eyes during meetings, or avoiding opportunities because you’re terrified of speaking up. That used to be me. I’d stay quiet in brainstorming sessions, worried I’d sound ridiculous. But the truth? Social anxiety is a very real obstacle that a lot of people face. Just because it’s internal doesn’t mean it’s imaginary.
2. Why It’s More Common Than You Think
Our modern workplace is a social minefield for anyone who prefers emails over face-to-face chats. Expectations to network, make small talk, or give off-the-cuff answers? Yeah, no thanks. Understanding that you’re not alone in feeling this way is a huge first step. Social anxiety doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human.
3. The Loop of Avoidance
Here’s the trap I fell into: Avoiding situations where I felt anxious. Kept me safe in the moment, sure—but it also reinforced my fears long-term. It’s important to recognize this behavior because once you do, you can start breaking that cycle. Baby steps, my friend.
Spot Your Triggers (And Outsmart Them)
1. Pinpointing Anxiety Sparks
Is it public speaking that gets you panicked? One-on-one feedback sessions? For me, it was always group discussions, where I felt like I had to say something brilliant or risk judgment. Take a mental inventory of the moments that make your anxiety flare up. Awareness is key to change.
2. Keep a Work Anxiety Journal
I started tracking my anxiety in a simple notebook. Before and after nerve-wracking moments, I’d jot down what triggered me and how I responded. Spoiler alert: Writing it down not only helped me connect the dots (like realizing hunger made things worse) but also gave me insights on what actually worked.
3. Acknowledge Patterns Without Judging Yourself
No, you’re not “bad at life” just because you struggle with meetings. Once I stopped judging myself for feeling anxious, I had more energy to focus on what helps. Pro tip? Self-compassion is a game-changer. Be your own cheerleader, not your biggest critic.
Prep Like a Pro
1. Rehearsing Isn’t Cheating
Repetition is magic for confidence. Before big meetings, I’d practice in front of my dog (she’s not picky about content) or even record myself on my phone. It doesn’t need to sound perfect, but familiarizing yourself with what you want to say helps drown out self-doubt in the moment.
2. Breathe First, Speak Second
When social anxiety strikes, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Cue shaky hands. When I feel panicky, I rely on a 4-7-8 breathing technique (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8). It’s like an off-switch for that adrenaline explosion.
3. Outfit Confidence Boosts
Okay, hear me out. Wearing an outfit that makes you feel like the CEO of your life can work wonders. For me, it’s a comfy-but-sharp blazer that screams, “Yes, I belong at this table!” You’d be surprised how powerful it feels to look the part, even when your insides are doing cartwheels.
4. Have Backup Phrases
We all have moments when someone catches us off guard. Prep a few go-to responses you can lean on when needed. (Example? “That’s an interesting question! I’d love to circle back with a more detailed answer.” Translation? Buy yourself some time without freezing.)
Sharpen Those Social Skills (Without Burning Out)
1. Start Small, Win Big
You don’t have to turn into the office social butterfly overnight. When I first started working on combating my anxiety, I’d focus on small interactions, like asking a colleague about their weekend. Start where you’re comfortable, and build from there.
2. Master the Power of Listening
Do you know what’s underrated? Active listening. It makes people feel heard and puts less pressure on you to fill all the conversational gaps. Bonus points if you nod approvingly or throw in an encouraging “That’s so interesting!”
"No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.” - Jewish Proverb
3. Scripts Are Your Friends
There’s no shame in pre-planning what you want to say for certain situations. Got a networking event coming up? Prep a few openers and questions like, “What’s been the highlight of your week?” or “What inspired you to get into this industry?”
4. Non-Verbal Cues Rule
Fun fact: Body language does most of the talking. Want to look calm (even if you’re not)? Slightly lean in, uncross your arms, and maintain natural eye contact. Fake it till you feel it.
Build Your Work Support Squad
1. The Power of a Work Ally
You don’t need an army of close colleagues, just one or two work buddies you can trust. I confided in a coworker about my anxiety, and it was a game-changer knowing someone had my back when I needed it.
2. Find Mentors, Not Critics
If you can, find a mentor who’ll champion your growth. When my manager took me under her wing (after I nervously asked for advice), I learned so much. Turns out people want to help when you show you’re eager to learn.
3. Join the Conversation Gradually
Try joining workplace discussions at your own pace. If meetings intimidate you, start contributing through emails or Slack chats. Once people recognize your value, it becomes a lot easier to share your voice IRL.
Know When to Ask for Professional Help
1. Therapy’s Not Taboo
Therapy can offer the tools you didn’t know you needed. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) got me out of my confidence rut. Want proof it works? I now present in meetings without rehearsing 50 times first (okay, maybe 30).
2. Work Perks You Should Use
Check if your workplace offers Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs). They’re like a free ticket to mental health support without having to explain anything to your boss. Don’t sleep on those benefits; they exist for a reason.
3. Medications Aren’t “Cheating”
Talk to a doc if your anxiety feels unbearable. Medications can be a useful assistant (not a crutch) to help you while you work on foundational strategies. No shame in getting help when you need it.
Wallet Reads!
- Find Your Anchor Activity: Whether it’s a breathing exercise or a lucky coffee cup ritual, lean on a pre-work calm-down moment.
- Shift the Spotlight: Focus on the topic or task instead of how others perceive you. It takes the pressure off.
- Baby Steps: Celebrate small wins, like saying “Hi” to someone you usually avoid. Progress adds up!
- Use Tech Wisely: Apps like Calm or Headspace are a great way to decompress during lunch breaks.
- Clock Your Best Times: Schedule tricky interactions when your energy’s up (looking at you, 10 a.m. Reese).
- Remember You’re Not Alone: More people than you realize are walking into the same meeting with sweaty palms. You’ve got comrades—invisible, but there.
Own That Office Like the Boss You Are!
Anxiety might make you want to sit on the sidelines, but your talents and ideas are way too valuable to keep hidden. Take it one moment at a time, and don’t hesitate to advocate for your needs. The workplace can be overwhelming, sure, but it’s also where you can shine if you invest in yourself and your well-being. Keep moving forward, because your best work (and self) is just waiting to unfold.
